Mango Lover

2010-03-24T07:50:00.000-07:00

Havent been blogging for quite some time. Well, as usual busy with work & partying with friends. Met someone new... Well he is mature & stable enough, knows what he wants & everything. We had comes to agreement bout the open relationship topic & both parties agreed. Well, so what even if i don't agreed.... Till the end there will only be lies & betrayed. Just enjoy what i have now, enjoy the process of being pampered....

Had a sudden mood swing out of sudden this evening. I know i shoudn't but it still happen.... Smiling, laughing & joking all the way but still will keep things going like what it is regardless of whats underneath....

A motto for myself - No one will ever love you more than yourself.....

2010-03-10T10:58:00.000-08:00

A Month Had Past & Yet Im Still Thinking.... I Know I Should Stop All These Thought Cause Its Impossible For Us Anymore. But Still I Cant Help To Conntrol What Im Thinking. Had Ask Myself If There Is One More Chance, Will I Still Accept It? Honestly Speaking, I Wish We Could But I Know In The End I Will Get Hurt Again..... Morever I Guess A New Date Or R/S Had Just Begun At His Side.... Im Trying My Best Not To Turn Back Again Into This Kind Of R/S, Just Tired.... Indeed He Is The One Who Changed Me Alot So Far This Year. Change Me Into A Selfish Person In Love, A Person Who Dun Have Faith In Love Anymore. Make Me Believe More In, Whatever I Give In, I Will Not Get Back The Same. Most Importantly Is, Will Not Trust Anyone Easily Even When I Really In Love With That Person. No One Is Worth Anything..... All Sweet Talk Are Bullshit. And Will Not Be So Naive Anymore To Believe Or Take Things So Seriously.... No More I Love You From Me To Anyone From Now Onwards, Goes The Same To Anyone To Me. Action Speaks Louder Than Words !!!! Karma Is Always Around Us, What You Do To Others, You Will Get Double In Return..........

2010-03-03T06:43:00.000-08:00

I HATE MYSELF........... !!!!!!!!!!

2010-02-25T07:16:00.000-08:00

Had A Tiring Week So Far, Seems Like Everything Is Not Going On Smoothly For Me. At This Point Of Time My Mind Is Always Filled With Thoughts. This, That & Everythings That Happened In My Life.

Always Ask Myself How Come I Landed Where I Am Now, But Till Now I Still Cant Get A Definite Answer From Myself. What I Hope For Is Just A Simple Life With My Love One. Ask Myself Today, What Im Seeking In A R/S Now, Is What I Really Want? To Be Honest I Really Dont Know. Ask Myself Another Question, Exactly How Many People I Really Love So Far? The Answer Is 2.... And How Many Peoples' Love I Did Feel In Return? And The Answer Is 1.... Lastly, So Far How Many People Try To Date & Love Me & Lastly Got My Love In Return Too? The Answer Is 0.... Realise One Thing Which Alot Of People Did. I Love You This 3 Words Is Easily Said Between Couple, But How Many People Actually Really Did What They Say? To Be Honest I Had Said It Alot Of Times To Some Of My Ex, Now Than I Realise There Is Only 2 Person Which I Said It From My Heart. The Rest Are All Say For The Sake For The R/S. Know Is Kinda Bad, So I Did Learn Something From Myself Too, Never Say I Love You Easily Again....

Havent Really Been Really Happy Since 08/02/2010..... Though I Lost, But I Think I Gain Experience At The Same Time. Cant Forcus On Anything Im Doing, Probably Becoz Of This Reason My Work Screwed Up..... Kept Forcing Myself To Forcus When I Know I Cant, Ended Up Become More Agitated.... Argh..... Think I Need To Have A Rest Soon After Everything Is Settled In Work....

Wants To Post Happy Things Here, But Nothing Seems Happy So Far..... Joining Mango To Bed Now. Nightz To The Whole World & Hugs To "U"....

Happy Valentines" Day

2010-02-13T23:43:00.000-08:00

Once Again Today Is Chinese New Year & It Also Falls On Valentines' Day. Hereby Wish Everyone A Happy Chinese New Year & Also Happy Valentines' Day.

Dun Really Have Any Mood FOr This 2 Occasions, Mum & Sis Went To Relatives' House For Home Visiting While I Rather Choose To Stay At Home To Watch TV. Suppose To Plan To Cook For A Simple Dinner Today For One Of This Occasion But Ended Up Cooking Mee....

Was Watching Mob TV Just Now, Channel 8 Drama Series- Your Hand In Mine. Miss Holding Hand To Sleep. Its Been 1 Week That I Had lost This Feel. Have I Really Move On? I Thought I Am Happy The Past 2 Days Till Yesterday Than I Realise What Im Thinking Is Only From My Side. What I Wish For Is Only Be Like The Past When We Are Still Frens, Nothing More. Dun Make Things So Complicated Is Just What I Got As A Reply, Sometimes Im Really Confuse...

Was Talking To A Fren Yesterday, Ask Him Out To Chill. But He Told Me That This Day Is Specially Left For His Love One Only. So Envy.... Was Thinking How Nice If I Can Spend This Meaningful Occasion Also. Its Been A Long Time Since I Last Celebrate... Its One Of The Most Memorable Occasion That Im Waiting For To Celebrate If I Have Any Also....

Lastly To All Couples Out There HAppy Valentines' Day & Wish You and Your Loves One Loving Till The End. For Those Who Are Single, May U Find Your Love One Soon....

2010-02-12T11:53:00.000-08:00

So Happy Today..... Clearing Up Stuffs In The Wardrobe But Still Left Somethings Untouch. Happy For What It Is Now. I Dun Really Expect Too Much But Hopefully Will Remain What It Is Now. I Will Definitely Learn To Feel Content For Getting This Precious Opportunity. No Matter What.... Im Just Happy Today.... Hope It Will Remain This Way As Long As Possible....

2010-02-11T09:01:00.000-08:00

When out for advance Chinese New Year lunch today with team mates. Everything was fine, nice foods and etc. Smile & jokes around till when everyone ask me where is he..... this & that till i dun know what to say, only reason is to say he is busy helping at home preparing for chinese new year stuff. My mind suddenly think of alot of things again. When will it stop.....

Heard from of few frens saying that probably im too sticky in a relationship but i do have given his own freedom if he wants to. I remember when we stated our r/s, i ask that will he get bored if he sees me everyday. The only reply is, maybe you (who is me) are the one who will get bored first. At that time i was very very happy, coz i thought that i had found someone who loves the companion of his own bf. But after awhile hearing 3 frens saying im a little too sticky, asking me to give him his own privacy i feel so sad, but just kept quiet.

Anyway, once again had told myself not to be a "super glue" anymore in my future r/s. If you want my companion, just come. If not just go and find your own programme. Will not take things so serious next time anymore especially the beginning of the r/s, coz those are the words that hurts you the most in the end.

Anyway am trying to to let go now le. Better now compare to the previous days. Am trying to treat us how we used to be before 27/08/2009. Chat in msn, call him or meet him up for leisure if he is still ok with that beside work. Everthing will back to square one.....

2010-02-10T20:02:00.000-08:00

Another Brand new Day..... Albin Cher..... Smile & Be Happy Today. Love Youself When No One Do.... Cheers !!!

2010-02-09T22:22:00.000-08:00

Have You Ever.......

2010-02-09T21:00:00.000-08:00

Back to work... Will spent all my time fully committed to work now. No more r/s for the time being coz i dun know if i can still take anymore pain. Tring to move on & ask myself last night, even im very sad, couldnt sleep and eat well will it change everything? Will the person feel sad also making this decision? It definitely wont change anything but i don't know if he will feel sad or not.

My mind is full of memories since last night.... prawn fishing, zirca, play, sentosa siloso beach resort, cemetery & also our lovely home... Though its always with frens around when we are out, the only thing i can do is to just imagine we are alone. Remember the time spent in siloso resort celebrating his bday. Thats the most memorable moment. Soaking in jaccuzi & sun tanning, just the 2 of us during the first 2 days. Cemetery during the hungry ghost festival, although im scared to go, but i know i will be ok as long im with him. Our home, watching him playing computer, eat what he cook, do house chores together, watch show together & lastly holding hand before sleep every night without miss.... Seeing Him smile & be happy is what i want during that period of time. Share his stress, lend him my listening ears, care for him & love him.... I never expect to end it so fast, but it still did... (27/08/2009 - 08/02/2010).

Coz its very sad to receive pains & tears as a gift in return when you love the person.....

Time heals everything? Definitely, but its only when will it be. We will just remain as good frens bah if he treat me as one. The only same goal that we can do together now is to close more deals in our work. I will definitely push myself all into work. ALBIN CHER !!!! WAKE UP & WORK !!!!

2010-02-09T04:40:00.000-08:00

Officially single from now no matter how hard i tried to save this r/s. Maybe till the end im really the one who dun know how to handle r/s. Dont know what else i can say or do anymore. Difinitely very sad, but what can i do. If there is no chance,no matter how many eyes i closed is also useless. All the best to you bah.

2010-02-08T21:51:00.000-08:00

Help........ Cant stop thinking. Though i mention i had move on, but in there i still cant. A fren told me that i had change in handling r/s, maybe is the hurt that i had to let me handle this prob. But it takes 2 hand to clap, asking for forgiveness is so hard for you ? Till now you didnt ask for any. Have you ever take our relationship seriously? Whatever you told me i always bear in mind, probably im taken things too seriously in relationship ending up i cant take it when things happened. How i hope i can be like you treat it as nothing ever happened. Just tell me you wont feel bad for what you did, tell me is there any doubt in our r/s or probably be straight forward telling me you dont love me at all. Rather than im still guessing what you are thinking. Have you ever regret anything ever since the first day we got together? There is so many question in my mind to be solve by myself. Am trying to solve probs so that we can have a better & healthy relationship, but you are always like avoiding. Can we have a solution? Dont you wish for a long term relationship ? I may not believe in forever love, but im trying myself to believe in it by putting effort. Give in to you, try to understand you & listen to you. Cant you see all my efforts? If you really put in effort also in this relationship, you bare to just give up just like that? Have you ever ask yourself what you what from me? You can just tell me if you know rather than keeping it to yourself. I have done what i need to do, if you really treasure this relationship, hope you will too.

Moving On

2010-02-08T17:35:00.000-08:00

Had learn to move on starting from today. Thanks baby for giving me such a wonderful period of time. Though the period is short, but its enough to have some sweet memories in it. I may not know if u will remember or even want to remember, but it will always be in me. Good luck to you......

How Can I Be Happy Knowing That Im Not The One Making Him Smile....

2010-02-08T01:55:00.000-08:00

Once again back to my blog ever since the last day i feel really sad

Want him to be happy, trying to understand him and did whatever i could to improve in our relationship cause i love him. Ever since 27/08/2009, i told myself to love him like the first day im in love with him. What i expect from him i make sure to do it myself first. But......

Im always so stupid to neglect all my frens when im in a relationship, did not balance up between frens & relationship. Cause i gave all my time to him trying to let him know only he is in my mind. Im really dissapointed when he told me he dun really know he love me or not. I know im not in the wrong from the beginning, but still i let him decide if he still love me or not before i decide i want to forgive or not.

Guess blog is the only place where i can express my feeling when i do not know who to talk to this time when i had already neglect my frens Jac & group. What a memory before Valentines' Day. Guess i have to cancel all my planning specially for him.....

LIFE

2008-10-12T07:34:00.000-07:00

Life Is Getting Bored, Sometimes Wondering Why Is My Life In A Mess Now? Everything Is Not Going Smoothly For Me. Although Work Is Starting To Move Well, But At The Other Side There Is So Much Trouble. How Can I End All Those Stupid Nonsense. Have I Really Made A Wrong Choice By Going Into Property Line? I Really Had Enough Of All This Troubles. I Cant Blame Any1, Cause I Choose Everything Myself. Wish Everything To Be Good, But..... Never Expect All This To Happen. Thought If I Work Hard & I Will Get Good Life. But... In The End Rubbish. Was Wondering Why My Luck is Not There? Really Do Hope My Luck Will Come....Please..... Im Really Tired.....

Tired

2008-09-26T13:49:00.000-07:00

Had A Very Bad Days For The Past 2 Weeks, So Tired...... Thinking back, Was More Happy Last Time. Although Have Worries, But Compare To Now That Is Nothing. Stress Up With Work & Personal Stuff Is Sufficent To Let Me Know The Feeling Of End Of The World. Trying To Save & Save, But Seems Like Everything Is Getting Deeper & Deeper. Hard To Explain, Too Tired To Think Also.

After So Long, Due To Stress I Finally Drop My First Tear At The Staircase Alone When At Work. Is That A Sign That Is Telling Me That I Cant Take It Anymore? Or Its Just A Relief To Make Myself Feel Better..... But I Guess Not, Cause I Still Feel The Same After All. Had Not Been Sleeping Well This Couple Of Weeks, Most Of The Time I Only Slept For Less Than 5Hours. There Is Even 1 Time Which i Only Slept For An Hour, For That Day I Really Feel So Impress Of Myself. How Can I Do That, Slept 1Hour & Next Day Work For The Whole Day & Not Feeling Sleepy. If This Happens Few Months Back, I Guess I Will Be Complaining Tired, This & That. But I Can Feel That Im Feeling So Weak When Days Pass By, I Really Need A Break, But..... I Cant. Everything Is Just Started To Stable Abit After This Few Months Of Hard Work, I Cant Just Give Up Like That. But If Really Cant Take It Anymore? I Really Dont Know What To Do. Going Back To My Old Lifestyle Or...... Is This The Way I Want? Been Asking Myself For This Period Of Time. But Still Cant Find Any Answer From Me.

Time Now Is 5.30 am,Cant Get To Sleep Again. Think Sooner Or Later I Must Rely On Medication To Sleep Which Im Not Looking Forward....Well... Will Try To Force Myself To Sleep Bah, Otherwise Dont Know Will There Be A LAst Minute Work Again Tomorrow.

Found Another Song In Youtube. Although Dun Really Adore Jolin, But Can Say That Some Of Her Songs Are Awesome.... This Is 1 Of Them. =)

Depress

2008-08-26T10:24:00.000-07:00

Had Been Struggling For Quite Some Time.... Regards Of Work Or Life, Everything Seems Not So Smooth For Me. But Overall Im Really Glad To Have My Buddy There To Encourage Me Along. Giving Me Motivation For Work, Cheer Me Up When Im Down. Hope I Wont Collapse Half Way If You Are Not With Me. Haha....

Been Keeping Myself Busy With Work & Hanging Out With Frens During Free Time. Didnt Really Have Much Time To Think So Much. Some People May Say I Am Anesthesia Myself, But..... Im Not. I Used To Cry To Myself When Im Down Or Even Stress. But Can No Longer Find My Tears Anymore, Cause It Had Been Force Back By Me. Trying To Act Strong Or Learning To Be? Well, Its Part Of Life Bah. Up & Down, Down & Up. Nobody Knows What Will Happen Tomorrow, I Will Just Treat Everyday The Last Day Of Mine & Enjoy Every Minute.You Can Never Get Back The Water That You Spilt, Just Let In Evaporate.

Anyway, Thanks To My Buddies Alvin, Stanley, Stephen & Rick Who Are Always There. & Of Coz Our New Member, Jac!!!!! Really Had A Great Time With Each & Every Of You. Drink, Drank, Drunk.... Beside Work, That Is When I Really Can Forget Everything. Love You Guys......

Lastly Introduce To People Who Visit My Blog A New Song By Jam, Xiao Jing Teng Which I Really Like. Meaningful Song To Me, Good Lyric

2008-06-30T07:41:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time since i last up-date my blog. Kinda busy with my new work or i can say my new company. Tired but feel satisfied with it although haven't close any deals yet. But i believe my turn is coming soon. Hahaha....Right now handling a new project, The Sail @ Marina Bay. Its a very nice place but very expensive, sea view & near to future IR. The average selling price is about 2K psf & the smallest unit is 641sq ft,1 rm. Rental starting from 5K onwards. So, anyone u know keen in this project, don't hesitate to call or msg me yeah. =) If anyone would like to know more bout this project, you can easily search in the web site.

DAD

2008-04-16T03:56:00.000-07:00

Year: 1994 - 2008

The years that i spent with him. Although we have no blood connection, he still bring us up. Give us what we need/ want, shower us with the love that other kids have. Try to give us the best..... But when I'm young, so stupid of me doing stupid things, saying stupid words & also stupid action. End up getting myself into trouble. Still remember its in year 1997. But he didn't give up on me, try to talk to me every 2 weeks for a period of 2 yrs. i could say, even for those who has blood connection may not be even doing all this. Still remember him sending me to camp everyday from Sengkang to Jalan Bahar every morning. Instead of sleeping longer, he choose to send me to camp. At that time i feel normal.But now......

Date: 12/ 04 / 2008
Time: 19:12

Watching him become weaker & weaker each day for the past 1 week, From a very healthy man to the un-believable state that i can never imagine. The whole week he has been fighting against his sickness, but seems like he lose..... Never knew it will become so serious, if only we can go against his wish from don't visit a doctor for check up, i believe there is still hope.

Sent him to SGH in the Saturday morning, he had to stay in ICU for further check up & more observation. The whole day we (my family, relatives & friends) had been spending our time there waiting & waiting, till a doctor came to us and told ask the seriousness of his sickness. She also told us to be prepared for the worst.

Given chances to visit him in the ICU, saw him struggling on the bed with so many tube poke on his body, & also 1 into his lung through his mouth. Watching him lying there motionless, but can tell from his eyes expression that he is in the pain. For the whole day, his heart beat had stop for 4 times, but doctors manage to save the 4times. When it come to the fifth, there is nothing that they can do. Watching most of them crying, especially my family. mum, both sister & niece, i told myself to hold back my tears. I had to be strong & accept the facts. But still there is time i cant control.

Neither did mum give up, kept calling him come back. Seeing mum like that really breaks our heart. At the moment, i really don't know what to say to her......

Date: 15/ 04/ 2008

Its the fourth day of the funeral, which is the last night & also my 25birthday, light up a joss stick & told him many many things in front of his altar. Kinda sad, never expect my birthday for this year would have this kind of memory.

Date:16/ 04/ 2008

Ready to send him for cremation ceremony, don't know how to describe my feeling for that day. Anyway just wanna be strong. Overall I'm the only guy in the family now.....

The him & he mentioned above is referring to my step father. Had never regard him as a step father before, treat him as my real 1. Because everything he did is more than what we expected. He had done his duty as a father, but i feel very ashamed..... Cause we did not let him live in comfort before he leave this world. For now i really do hope he can rest in peace.

Thanks for all the love u showered us this fews years, we will never forget. Although we never mention, but hope you know that we will always respect & also love you.......

Dinner @ Chijmes

2008-02-15T20:28:00.000-08:00

Had a wonderful be-lated Valentine dinner with baobei last nite at 1 of the Japanese BBQ restaurant located CHIJMES. Both of us enjoyed the dinner. Its a recommendable place for all.

Our first 2 dish, 1 is mushroom wrapped in aluminium foil another is salmon which i unable to take a pic of it on time. For this first 2 dish is still ok, maybe becoz its their appetizer.

The following its a plate with 5 different kind of meat. They manage to marinate the meat very well, its very tasty after we bbq it.

Both of us is having a great time last night. Of coz never forget to take pics. Hee....Hee.......

Actually there is bout 4 more dishes i never took pics of them. But lastly i won't forget the dessert, which is their ice- cream. the green in colour is the green tea flavour & the white 1 is vanilla with peanut powder.

Not willing to stop but too bad stomach lack of place. LOL....... Will visit there again if there is a chance.

Hmmm..... guess Baobei is now sleeping while on the way to San Francisco. Slept late last nite but woke up so early this morning. Dun worry Baobei, will miz u de although i never put the words in my mouth. Hugz hugz........

G-MAX & Zouk

2008-01-03T04:13:00.000-08:00

Had a small gathering with my colleagues last night after work. Went Clark Quay to look for a nice pub to chill out @. Instead a pub, we ended up @ G-MAX. Saw alot of queueing so i decided to play also. Haha... Well, i've been eyeing this game for so long le ever since it started in S'pore. Its just that no one willing to accompany me. =( Lucky we saw one of my colleague's bro there, otherwise i'll be alone to play lor. The feeling is so nice, can imagine you flying up to the sky. Can't describe the feeling, but can only use 1 word - SHIOK!!! For those who is having certain stress, no harm trying it.You can scream out as loud as you want. Hahaha... Anyway its not as scary as most ppl thought, or i can say you may be scared for only a second,which is the time when your sit shoots up the sky.Hmmm... all i can say is the SGD$40 is worth it.

After That we continue to search for place to chill out @. But really don't know where to go. So i suggested Zouk, which i never been before. Was mambo last night, kinda boring for me. So just sit there & kept drinking with my colleagues. After awhile one of my colleague brought me over to another place which is known as future if im not wrong. Wow.... like that place better as compare to the mambo. Left the place ard 1plus & slept ard 2plus. Ended up so sleepy when i woke up this morning for work. Had a very tiring day.... But overall its a nice place. So whoever wants to go there, can ask me along too.... =)

01/ 01/ 2008

2008-01-01T07:15:00.000-08:00

My first entry for the year 2008, account created by my baobei. =)

A brand new year but seems like everything is still the same today. Maybe due to work bah. Every1 had a great time last night & most ppl can sleep till late today, but for us who is working as retail still need to work. *Boring* Dun know why those ppl got so many things to buy. Almost see the same face every week @ the same shopping centre. *diao* That shows how small S'pore is & how 'bo liao' most ppl are. Haiz....Anyway hope for a better year this year .

Btw, hereby wish whoever visit my blog a HAPPY NEW YEAR & a great year ahead!!!